There’s an interesting headline! Well.. according to Iain Martin is his Wall Street Journal Blog it might just happen…. 😉 Thanks for sending this, you-know-who-you-are.

Iain Martin On Politics
May 6, 2010

Election Night at the Cameron Residence in Rural Oxfordshire

Dave is watching “Star Wars” on DVD and semidozing. Two young aides are pacing up and down, nervously checking their BlackBerries.

Dave: “I like this bit. Look, it’s the scene in the intergalactic bar — with all those aliens and strange looking creatures. It’s like a meeting of the 1922 committee.”

Female aide: “Shouldn’t we turn it over to the election? The results program and the exit poll are on in a minute.”

Dave (yawning): “Chill. Long way to go yet. Did you know that Alec Guinness nearly didn’t take the role? And that it would have been Oliver Reed instead?”

Male aide: “Dave. We’ve got some early indications, some feedback from seats. Do you want to hear?”

Dave: “Uh-huh… shoot.”

Female aide: “It’s looking too close to call. Like, everywhere.”

Dave (yawning): “Where’s Sam?”

Sam Cam, wandering in from the kitchen: “Here babes.”

Dave: “Hi babes. What are you up to? (To aide:) Doesn’t she look great pregnant?”

Male aide (face reddenning): “Er… Yeah, great.”

Dave: “Come here for a cuddle.”

Male aide gets up and walks towards DC.

Dave: “Not you! I meant Sam.”

Sam snuggles up on the sofa.

Sam: “What’s happening?”

Dave: “Well they’re fighting with light sabers… but you mean the election? I think we’ve done it. But it’s going to be hours before we know for sure.”

Sam: “What a drag, babes. Hours. That’s like a long time.”

Dave: “I know. They’ve got to count all the votes, and add them all together and work out who’s won where. But we’re cool, I think.”

Sam: “Cool.”

Male aide: “We were going to work through the cabinet? Steve has left his ideas.”

Dave (making a face): “Do we have to? Yeah? OK prime minister, that’s me. Chancellor, George. Then it gets a bit woolly. What were Steve’s thoughts?”

Male aide: “Quite radical thoughts from Steve on the cabinet. Foreign Secretary, Bob Geldof? Health Secretary? Robert Winston or that doctor that goes on the Matthew Wright show. Culture secretary Kevin Spacey, Carol Vorderman to education, Andy McNab to defense and Hugh Fearnley-Whatshisname to agriculture.”

Dave (thinking deeply): “It all sounds a bit unconventional… even by Steve’s standards. I think we might have to have  some other Tory MPs in the cabinet. What do you think, babes?”

Sam: “Look Steve’s great. He’s like, totally, your friend. But he gets a bit carried away sometimes, babes. Look at the Big Society.”

Dave: “But you liked the Big Society? You said so.”

Sam: “Oh yeah, up to a point. Love all that charity stuff. And I think some of the kids I’ve met on those projects are an inspiration. But one of the girls at work the other day said something interesting. She asked me — like, totally, totally seriously — was your Big Society something to do with Tatler? Did it mean that if you win then society parties would be easier to get into? That they would be bigger and have longer invite lists?”

Dave: “Really? When we get in I’m going to have to make a lot more speeches explaining Steve’s Big Society. Or maybe not.

Sam: “Hmmmm, maybe not. But your call, babes.”

Female aide: “Dave, sorry to interrupt. But oh my God, there’s one minute to go until we get the exit poll.. Turn over to BBC1. Andy and George O says it’s still like… totally too close call.”

Male aide: “I am so excited! I was only 3 in 1992. What does it feel like to win?”

Dave: “Everyone! Please, please, calm down…”

Sam: “Yeah. Chill.”


This story has been covered up for years, and it’s time it came to light again. We repeat the story as told to us by a grey man’s land intelligence asset.

Shortly after the Falklands War, three heroic special forces soldiers were brought before a specially-convened board so that they might be rewarded for their actions during the conflict.
‘You see, men,’ said Colonel Sir Nigel Tufnel, ‘we can’t reward you publicly with a medal because your identities must be protected. Therefore, we’ve decided to reward you with money, and since your brave deeds can’t possibly be reduced to a mere figure, we’ve devised a fair way to distribute what funds we have. You name two parts of your body, we’ll measure between them, and we’ll pay you one thousand pounds per inch!’

‘I’ll go first!’ volunteered the Royal Marine.
‘Very well,’ the colonel said, ‘what shall we measure?’
‘From the tip of the middle finger on one outstretched arm,’ the Marine said, ‘to the tip of the middle finger on my other outstretched arm.’
The colonel measured, and happily reported, ‘Seventy-two inches, lad! That’s 72,000 pounds for you. We’ll send you a cheque.’

The next hero, a tall SBS lad, stepped up smartly and said, ‘I hope you can afford this. Tip of my middle finger, with my arm stretched above my head, to the large toe on my opposite foot.’
The colonel measured. ‘My God! 108 inches! Well, that’s 108,000 pounds for you then.’

Finally, the last hero — an SAS trooper — stepped up.
‘And what do you wish measured?’ asked the colonel.
‘Tip o’ me prick to me balls, sir,’ said the SAS lad.
The colonel hesitated. ‘Confidence is all well and good, but…Are you sure?’
‘I’m sure,’ the SAS trooper said. ‘Get on with it.’
The SAS man pulled down his trousers and the colonel started measuring. After a long struggle, he stopped.
‘I don’t understand,’ the colonel said. ‘Where exactly are your bollocks, trooper?’
‘Goose Green, Falklands, sir!’ the SAS man responded.


Ah sigh, thought we were done with politics, but politics is not done with us it seems. Today the Daily Mail digs up stuff from 2005 to make their point against labour:

“SAS defied MoD to rescue two of its men held hostage in Iraq as top commanders ‘prepared to quit’ over ban on mission”:
The SAS launched a daring mission to rescue two of its own men held hostage in Iraq against the orders of the Ministry of Defence, the Daily Mail can reveal. The elite unit was pushed to the brink of mutiny after it was banned from saving the SAS soldiers captured by militants because to do so would embarrass the Government. The astonishing edict drove SAS officers close to mass resignation, according to a hardhitting report by the Tory MP Adam Holloway, a former Guards officer.

Details of the incident in 2005 expose the shameful way the Armed Forces have become politicised under Labour – with political spin put before soldiers’ lives.

And here comes the good part:

Mr Holloway’s explosive account is supported by General Sir Mike Jackson, who was head of the Army at the time but only learned of the scandal later. General Jackson last night made clear his disgust at the way soldiers were asked to sacrifice their men for political reasons, shattering the sacred military covenant that no man is left behind on the battlefield. He told the Mail: ‘The story as you relate it chimes with my memory of the events. It was not only a brave but a very necessary operation to release those two captured soldiers. The British Army looks after its own. Underline that three times.’

Read the full article in the Daily Mail here

Three years prior to these events, in 2002,  members of Bravo Two Zero stated in a BBC Panorama documentary:

SAS patrol ‘left to die’

Eight SAS soldiers in the Gulf War were abandoned by their commanders after their mission went wrong, a BBC investigation suggests.
Requests for rescue made by the Bravo Two Zero patrol – operating behind enemy lines, with patrol leader Andy McNab – were ignored until it was too late, the BBC Panorama programme says.

Three of the patrol were killed, four were captured and tortured and one escaped during the ill-fated mission to destroy Iraqi Scud missiles in 1991.
The official inquiry into what went wrong has always maintained that no comprehensible messages for help were ever received.

But Panorama has seen an SAS log recording calls for assistance from the patrol, which it says shows emergency requests were received, ignored and covered up.

You can read the full transcript of the Panorama documentary here


THURSDAY 24TH JANUARY 1991: B Sqn Northern MSR gp reported that they had been compromised and requested exfil asp. Exfil did not take place as it was unclear whether they had had a contact or if it was a chance compromise.

FRIDAY 25TH: B20 made TACBE contact again, it was reasonable to assume that…they were moving South. A CH 47 crew were on standby for B20 and as from now >there will be 1 crew on permanent standby.

SATURDAY 26TH: Poss further communication from B20 using TACBE to a passing F15, this contact came from a location on the main E&E route. Op mounted tonight to pull them out. (CH 47 returned to Al Jouf without completing the mission due to bad weather.)

So..if the Daily Mail can dig up old cows.. so can we 😉


Here it is, the cover of the new Nick Stone novel ‘Zero Hour’ !! The book will be in stores 28 October.

Andy McNab Zero Hour Book cover


Soldier turned best-selling author Andy McNab is to speak at The Tank Museum to mark the release of his new novel ‘War Torn’.

Drawing on his own military experience and extensive research he has conducted both in theatre and on the ‘home front’, ‘War Torn’ provides a window on the experience of the modern British soldier in Helmand – and at home.

Date of Event: 19th May 2010
Time of Event: 19:30
Venue: The Tank Museum, Bovington, Dorset, BH20 6JG – Tel: (+44) (0)1929 405096
Entry Fee: £12.50

Source: The Tank Museum


Do you believe gay people need to be ‘cured?’  That more religion in government would be a good thing?  That the UK would benefit from electing its own homegrown George W. Bush? So does Andy McNab, apparently, because he’s wholeheartedly supporting the Tory cause this time around.

Now, normally neither Andy nor this website is very political — in fact, Andy has said that though he killed IRA fighters in NI, he would have probably fought for the IRA had he grown up in NI!  In other words, he would –and did– kill someone over an ideology he himself would advocate if he moved a few miles west.  And though he has lamented the lack of education he received as a child in a desperately-poor South London, he’s never addressed why those conditions existed or how they can be changed.  So, traditionally, McNab hasn’t been a very publicly political guy.The question, then, is what has changed? Why is he now publicly supporting privileged half-wit Cameron?  If you ask Andy, it’s all about ‘supporting the troops,’ that now-semi-religious mantra that has replaced old-fashioned ‘patriotism’ as the last refuge of scoundrels.

Supporting the troops is of course a good idea in general and no normal person –or party– is opposed to it. For instance, not participating in illegal wars and occupations that do nothing for your country would be a good way to support the troops, so that must be what Andy means, right? Wrong. Andy McNab has never met a war he didn’t like, and in fact his whole ‘support’ for the troops comes down to giving them shiny kit and treating their PTSD — the PTSD caused by witnessing and/or participating in the horrors of war. With Andy, it’s all about what you do for the troops after providing them the ‘opportunity’ to fight, die, maim, and be maimed for the benefit of a wealthy elite.

With PTSD ‘in the picture’ these days (which is good!!) it seems to become the general consensus that every single case of a soldier committing violent crimes at home is a direct result of PTSD. It’s simply impossible that some just are psychopaths and arseholes (see worthless piece of shit Dr. Thomas Shanks), and preventing PTSD (by not asking people to commit atrocities) is of course out of the question. We at greymansland have been raising awareness about PTSD long before Andy did, and it’s a serious issue, but while we must treat it we should also treat the root causes.
Andy McNab doesn’t see it that way. In Andy’s world, a soldier achieves nobility by having no personal morality (see the Nuremberg ‘just following orders’ excuse), and whoever shouts ‘I love the troops’ loudest is of course the person to support — after all, a politician wouldn’t lie.

Am I suggesting that Andy McNab is a bit thick, that he’s fallen for jingoism and class warfare tactics? Yes. Andy McNab has always prided himself on being a pawn, one who will simply do what he’s told and have no personal morality of his own. He’s also demonstrated a deep sense of needing to belong to a group, preferably one that excludes ‘outsiders.’ The perfect Tory voter!

[Editorial note: That will be the last of the politics here. We’re all Andy McNab fans and the opinion of one GML staffer does not reflect the opinion of greymansland.com as a whole. Andy McNab chose to publicly enter the political arena and as a result his political opinions are being publicly discussed. If you don’t like that, go to the ‘official’ website and get no opinions, no new info, fake forum links, and some ringtones.]